User talk:ER111303
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the Thread:521869|Please review poem page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! WhyAmIReadingThis (talk) 18:23, January 18, 2016 (UTC) Notice If you're going to post to the writer's workshop, you really should give more content than what you just posted. With that, there was no real telling what the conflict/driving point to the plot was, or even what genre you were intending. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 21:41, January 31, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 16:39, February 1, 2016 (UTC) Re: Story It wasn't up to quality standards. You really should have waited for feedback in the writer's workshop. There are punctuation, wording, and a number of story issues here. Formatting issues: You need to space out lines so dialogue doesn't get clumped together like this: "“Hey babe,” Nika started “how was work?” “David’s really beating my ass. How about you?” “Good. What is he making you do now?”" Punctuation errors: Punctuation missing before dialogue continuation. "“Hey babe,” Nika started(,) “how was work?”", "“No, not yet,” Alex walked over to Maxine(.) “Hey max, were you good?”" Punctuation missing from dialogue. "I’m not sure, but I’m just happy you’re alive” Redundancy issues: "With the tent zipped and her sleeping bag in her tent, she cuddled in his sleeping bag with him." Really avoid repeating words multiple times in the same sentence. Story issues: The build-up needs a lot of work as it isn't until two-thirds of the way through the story we hear about the monster. "Right at that moment, Alex remembered the thing that was out here. “Nika, do you remember the creature that ranger told us about?”" You also don't describe the creature at all which makes it odd when you use lines like this: " She didn’t know why, but that thing out there reminded her about the creature." This really makes an uninteresting story Story issues cont.: The epilogue feels tacked on like you wanted the story to be longer but got impatient towards the end. "Epilogue: The campsite has been covered over in concrete and the forest has been cut down. The city of Amani has planned on adding the area to the nearest highway." I'm sorry, but the premise is generic (couple encounters monster in the woods) and the description/build-up isn't very good which results in the story being below our quality standards. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 16:51, February 1, 2016 (UTC) :Most stories can begin with a generic idea, but when fleshed out, viewed from a different angle, or dealt with in an interesting way they could be made to feel more original. That being said, breaking free from common cliches/tropes can be difficult. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:09, February 1, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:59, February 14, 2016 (UTC) :Ignoring advice is never a good idea. Two separate people pointed out issues and your revision did nothing to really address either of those issues. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 06:02, February 14, 2016 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 20:30, March 12, 2016 (UTC)